The Holy Water Hose Down!,  Woodcut,  38” X 24”     2009

    I was listening to NPR a while ago, they were covering a story about the rebirth of a local church.  The church had lost its original building and had purchased a closed movie theater to start a new chapter for the church.  Problem was, the theater was the towns old porno theater!  To celebrate the re-opening of the church’s doors they decided to have a good old bonfire using boxes and boxes of the vintage porno’s that were left lying around in the soon to be Sunday school rooms!  The priest contacted the fire department and requested they come in case the fire gets out of hand.  When the firemen arrived the priest blessed the truck tuning all the water in the tanks and hoses into holy water.  The festivities went according to plan and at the end of the night the fireman released the water for all the kids to play in!  Beautiful story right!?!  Well I’ve decided to write the next chapter of this reality myself…. so here it goes!  The priest, so happy with the firemen’s involvement with the porno-bonfire, ordained the fireman as part of his clergy. The priest and his group of fire (and brimstone) fighters now travel the nation to all the “Girls Gone Wild” video shoots spraying those crazy girls with holy water… thus converting the masses!